Many writers have shared their thoughts with the public:

"There is something delicious about writing the first words of a story. You never quite know where they'll take you." - Beatrix Potter

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." - Anaïs Nin

"Sharing your writing, being enlarged by others' writing, is what makes you feel famous." - Gretchen Bernabei

"Writing is not an amusing occupation. It is a combination of ditch-digging, mountain-climbing, treadmill and childbirth." - Edna Ferber

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing." - Ben Franklin

"One must be drenched in words, literally soaked in them, to have the right ones to form themselves into the proper pattern at the right moment." - Hart Crane

"There are three rules for writing. Unfortunately, no one can agree what they are." - W. Somerset Maugham

My Smartwatch!

It had been my birthday on the 5th July. Next day at 7 a.m., I was awakened by a bright light and vibration on my wrist. It was my new watch. Almost immediately the watch face was replaced by the message, 'You have exceeded your sleep time.' I got out of bed and staggered to the toilet and bathroom, thinking, 'Who the hell do you think you are!' Having dressed I went to the kitchen and began preparing breakfast for myself and the family. The watch face had disappeared again, to be replaced by the message, 'Muesli, fruit, yoghurt, milk.' I thought, ‘You bloody dickhead, We have those every day.' My watch face flipped to the time, day and month, heart rate, stress level, number of footsteps taken, environmental temperature for the day in multiple places around the world, when the sun would be shining, and power left in the battery.

Sitting at the table I was opening my iPad for the day's news before the rest of the family arrived. The watch informed me that it had early morning news items I needed to read, messages, phone calls I had already missed, and a series of bargains I should buy. Immediately after I had read and deleted these, it informed me that it was time I began walking and going to the toilet. The sketch of two footprints looked very much like what I was about to move. Whilst on the toilet I was congratulated for being on the move. Also, it was now time for me to monitor my start of day blood pressure and blood oxygen level. I dutifully did this and was told that they were within my normal limits. I thought, 'How the hell do you know what my normal limits are.'

When we had all had breakfast and I had put the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher I went to my study. By the time I had reached it the bloody watch was asking me to nominate which of five exercises I was going to do that day and what limits I would place on it. The watch seemed to reluctantly accept, 'steps with no number limit.’ Shortly after it informed me that I seemed to be under stress. This was at the beginning of the day! I should spend some time on rest and meditation. It even gave me the choice of meditation music that it could play for me. I tried to switch it off completely, but found that I did not know how! I was now shouting at it using words usually kept for more serious situations. My wife came running to the study thinking something 'terribly' important had happened. She burst out laughing when she saw me apparently abusing either my arm, my watch, or both. She said as she left, “Wait until I tell the kids.” To add insult to injury, the first email I opened was from a friend asking me if I had heard of the fabulous new intelligent wristwatch, the SMARTWATCH. The second was an advert trying to sell one to me. I thought, 'You bloody idiot I have already got one. YOU.' The watch face returned. I inadvertently pressed on it. It shrank in size to almost nothing but offered me the choice of over 400 inane new faces. After fifteen minutes and much swearing, I finally retrieved the face I wanted. It was replaced immediately by a message telling me I had been sitting too long and to move. I told it to mind its own bloody business. It replied with, 'Thank you, how can I help?'

There wasn't a cloud in the sky, the sun was shining brightly, there was a light breeze and the temperature pleasantly warm. I decided to go for my morning walk. I stood up and immediately the watch reminded me not to forget my face mask. I thought, 'Now the bloody thing is reading my mind.' This seemed to be true. As when I was about to leave the house, my wife said, “This is WA, don't forget your mask.” I replied, “I don't need one as I am just going for a walk in the park, but I will wear it to please you.” I also thought, 'Take that you bloody watch!' As soon as I left the house the bloody thing congratulated me. It told me that it was glad to see me on the move again. I did a complete circuit of the park to be told that I had only walked 2821 steps. I should try harder. Instead I did a few cool down exercises.

Shortly after receiving more unwanted directions, I was sitting on a park bench with my arm out in front of me and shouting, “Who the hell do you think you are, you bloody git.” A couple who were passing speeded up and the man gave me the middle finger! He set off toward me but his wife dragged him back. She suggested that I might have escaped from an Institution somewhere. They should ring the police. Now I was really scared. I was totally under its control. It could make me into a criminal. I started to run for home. To be congratulated to not only be on the move again but to be jogging. Shortly after it asked me to set the distance I was aiming for. By now I was waving my arms around and shouting out, “You bastard I'll kill you, I'll kill you!” People saw me ripping off my mask and twirling it above my head. I danced up and down. They all rapidly moved away, except for one child who asked to join me in my dance. I noticed that several pedestrians were rapidly talking into their mobile phones. I quickly ran out of the park to lose myself in the people walking along the street. The watch informed me that I was slowing down and to raise my jogging rate. By now I was a jibbering wreck. Rushing along trying to pull the watch off my arm, shouting, “You bastard, leave me alone!”'

I finally made it home, rushed into my study and collapsed onto the couch. The watch said, 'You appear to be very stressed. Take time to relax. I can play you some meditation river music.' I could only reply with insane giggles. I must have fallen into an exhausted sleep. Sometime later my wife woke me and asked if I wanted lunch. She said that there had been a Tv news report of an incident in the park that morning. While there, had I seen anything of a deranged man who had been menacing people? The park had been put into lockdown. People using the park at that time were asked to ring Crimestoppers. I broke out into a cold sweat. I said I wasn't feeling well and that I would contact them later.

After lunch, I had a cold shower and locked myself in my study, pretending to work and taking part in a video conference. My bloody watch said, 'You haven't been active for a while. Time to get moving.' I told it to “piss off.” Before going completely insane I managed to remove the watch from my arm and throw it onto my desk. This did not solve the problem. From time to time it kept saying, 'We seem to have lost contact. Please press the button upper right.' I finally threw the bloody thing into the waste bin at the side of the desk where it continued to try to contact me. It finally said, 'Battery running low. We will lose connection.' I laughed uncontrollably. My problem was solved!

Over dinner, two things happened. Firstly, a Tv report said that the deranged person who had been seen that morning in the park had not been located. The police were keeping the park under lockdown for another 24 hours. The children laughingly said that it sounded just like me. My wife told me to stop being nasty to them in my reply. She also informed the children that I had not been well that day. They both replied, “Yeah, we bet it was dad!” Secondly, they asked why I was not wearing the smartwatch that they had all clubbed together to buy for my birthday. I told them that it was irritating my skin and that the battery was flat. They said I should persevere with wearing it. It was easy to set up the charger. They rushed off to my study and came back with it. My daughter asked, “Why was it in the waste bin?” I did not reply.

Shortly after connecting it to the charger, it said, 'Thank you, will be back with you shortly.' The family couldn't believe it when I broke out into insane giggles, shakes and a cold sweat. My wife said, “We need to watch Dad, he may be developing COVID. I will take him to the Royal Perth Hospital testing centre for a test first thing tomorrow.” The children said, “Oh no! If he is positive we may have it as well. It will be terrible if we cause the school to be closed down.” I quickly said that I was sure it wasn't COVID. I thought it just a chill or the result of overwork. My wife replied that I had done little that day but scream, swear, giggle and curse!

It did not take long for the watch to become charged. The children asked if they could play with it. I said, “Gladly” and thought, 'Please break the bloody thing beyond repair.' They spent the rest of the evening getting the bloody watch to do myriads of things that no watch should do. It should only tell the time, maybe the day of the week and the date. It should look more expensive than it is. The children reluctantly gave it back to me at bedtime. It immediately said, 'Welcome back.' I thought, 'Who the hell do you think you are? A bloody watch has no right to welcome me. It is only there to give me the time accurately. Not rule my life.'

Much later that night lying in bed, freezing cold, and unable to sleep I thought, 'This can't go on.' I climbed out of bed, quietly, put on my dressing gown and left the house. I had to get rid of the watch. I went to the garden shed. It was unlocked. I picked up a trowel. Without thinking I left the house and climbed the nearby park wall. I looked around, saw no one, crept to a large oval flowerbed. I buried the watch in the middle of the bed. I smoothed over the soil. I thought the likelihood of it being found was negligible. As I stood up, stretched and was going to sit for a while on a park bench, I heard whistles blowing and a searchlight lit up. I remembered that the park was in lockdown, in the hope that the deranged person, seen earlier that day, would return. 'Shit,' I thought! I ran to the park wall and dived over. Landing flat on the pavement I heard a bone snap in my right arm. The searchlight passed over the top of the wall. I scrambled up and ran home. Luckily I had not lost the trowel. I put it back into the shed. I remembered to lock its door and went into the house.

How was I going to explain my broken arm? I took my dirt covered shoes off, washed my filthy hands and took off my gown. Then I thought, if it put my gown back on but take the belt out, I could claim that I stood on it and fell into the ‘loo’ door and I may have broken my arm. I wrapped the belt around my left ankle and I lay on the floor and let out a scream. The family came rushing to me shouting, “What's wrong Dad, what's wrong!” I moaned that I had tripped over my dressing gown belt and I thought that I had broken my arm. They took me to the emergency department of the Royal Perth Hospital. The broken arm was confirmed and put in plaster.

By the time we returned home, another day had begun. There was an early morning Tv news item that said that the deranged person had returned to the park overnight and was seen running through the flower beds. He had escaped but the police were confident that they would catch him. I thought it was all highly exaggerated. Again the children said, “Dad are you sure it's not you and you fell over and broke your arm running from the police.” They thought it was a great joke and were disappointed when they saw that I did not see the funny side. Later my daughter asked where was my Smartwatch. I pretended to just realize that I no longer had it. She said I must have known earlier as it needed daily charging. My reply was, “It must have been left at the hospital.”

Checks did not locate it. It has never been found and I have gone back to wearing my Singapore copy of the ROLEX.